


If Only

by HeithChief



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Drinking, Drunk Antics, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pining Shiro (Voltron), shangst exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 13:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14749773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeithChief/pseuds/HeithChief
Summary: Shiro is hopelessly in love with Lance, his next door neighbor. They've become pretty close since Lance moved in next door, they're found together more often than they are apart. Shiro fell for Lance very quickly, but found out even though Lance is single, he's still hung up on his boyfriend. One night after a rough week at work, Lance comes over and they relax with some drinks. Shiro accidentally gives Lance the idea to go visit his ex-boyfriend with plans to get back together. Lance leaves before Shiro can stop him. So, he's left behind wondering what would have happened if only he had just said "don't go". (Contains and OC name briefly because I didn't want to make any of the Voltron characters a terrible ex-boyfriend.)





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoomedTimeline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedTimeline/gifts).



> This my contribution for the Shangst exchange and gift for black-paladin-babes on tumblr. It was inspired by your "misunderstandings" and "bed-sharing" prompts.  
> I got the main idea from Mayday Parade's song "Chamapange's For Celebrating (I'll Have a Martini)"
> 
> "She left her books, her car, her clothes, and a note  
> But all she wrote was, 'Tonight I'm leaving on a train.'  
> She says she's headed west  
> To make it right for one more night  
> And, well, I don't blame her if she is  
> But he thinks it's just one more sunset  
> And after all, it's her fault  
> If she hasn't caught on yet
> 
> So why'd you have to go?  
> Is there something I could say to make you turn around?  
> Cause nights like these I wish I'd said don't go"

Shiro heard about it for as long as he had known Lance. It had only been four months since Lance moved into Shiro’s apartment complex. They had kind of a cliché meeting if Shiro were to be honest, but he liked it all the same. Lance had gotten locked out and came to Shiro’s place to call the superintendent. All it took was a few hours of talking and they became fast friends. That lead to hanging out at each other’s places after work, cooking dinner for each other—that was mostly Lance because Shiro couldn’t make more than Mac Cheese and Chicken nuggets. Lance had no idea how Shiro survived and how he looked that fit just from only being able to cook those things. Apparently, it was a lot of salads and eating out. As they learned more about each other, Shiro found out that Lance had just gotten out of a relationship just before he moved in.  It was with some guy from his hometown, but they broke up because of the job transfer. Shiro was happy to know he was single, but the more he learned about the guy, the more he realized Lance wasn’t over him at all.

They had an “on again, off again” sort of relationship. According to Lance, the guy had quite a temper and they often got into huge blow up fights. Those fights were always the guy, Jared, getting upset and most of the time jealous, then breaking up with Lance. Lance was then miserable for two days until Jared would come crawling back and beg for forgiveness. To Shiro, it sounded like quite the unhealthy relationship and he was glad Lance was done with it for good. Or so he said when he was sober. But when he was drunk he lamented how much he missed Jared and missed how he would kiss him. Shiro couldn’t really say he understood, because from an outside perspective he could never, but it just twisted the knife in his gut. He knew he could be a good boyfriend to Lance, much better than this Jared guy, but he could never say it. So he just had to be supportive. That’s how they found themselves in this situation.

Lance had a rough day at work and that always meant he was going to be knocking on with a couple of six packs. Shiro of course had already ordered the pizza after a text from Lance that just read: “uuuuuuugh I’m so glad it’s Friday.” On nights like these, Shiro was always ready to drop everything he had planned to hang out with Lance. Well, that wasn’t much different from normal because Shiro was a complete goner for Lance. He told him he’d take things slow since Lance was obviously still hung up on Jared.

After dinner, Lance had gotten drunk very quickly and started talking once again about Jared. Shiro kept his composure even though all he wanted to do was stab his eyes out with the closest sharp object. That would be less painful than listening to Lance talk about another guy, let alone the same guy. He just wanted to kiss Lance right on his stupid face and tell him he didn’t need Jared, but he just could do that. Or even without the kissing part, tell him that Jared was bad for him, but he could just picture how that would go. Especially drunk, it would turn into a fight and he couldn’t risk losing Lance as a friend. Pining after him and listening to Lance missing his stupid ex was better than not having Lance in his life at all.

“I know he broke up with me because he didn’t want to come, but I still think I should have tried to make things work or something. I just miss him so much. No one kisses like he does.” Lance whined a little and Shiro had to try so hard not to roll his eyes.

Sometimes Shiro wondered if Lance didn’t miss Jared, but missed being in a relationship. From what he knew, Jared and Lance had been together for  _ years _ . He guessed it would be difficult to just drop a relationship like that. “Have you called him and told him that?”

“He’s always really dismissive over the phone. Said it would be different if I was actually there.”

“Too bad for him, you’re not.” Shiro commented in a bored tone. He wasn’t really paying attention to his own words, but that short sentence was something Shiro quickly came to regret.

Lance’s eyes lit up and Shiro knew that look all too well, Lance had just gotten some wild idea. 

“You know, you’re right! It’s only a two hours away. I should go see him this weekend! If I leave tomorrow morning I can go see him and we can make things right. Maybe we can even get back together…long distance wouldn’t be too hard, right?”

Shiro choked on the sip of beer he had just taken.  _ What the fuck did I just do? Get back with him? That guy is an asshole—I think—and I bet he’s definitely moved on by now. He seems like the type if he’s always breaking up with you.  _ But Shiro didn’t say any of that out loud, he just forced his pain and jealousy down like he always did. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” It wasn’t exactly agreeing with Lance, but not disagreeing either.

But Lance completely ignored him. Shiro had been sidelined by Lance’s excitement and the crazy scheme took over. They spent the rest of the night practicing what Lance would say and how they could work out a long distance relationship. Internally, Shiro just wished he could find a way to make Lance stay without telling him his feelings. He couldn’t think of anything so he just surrendered to his fate, knowing Lance was going down a road that he could not follow. All Shiro wanted now was to get out here, but they were at his place. The more he drank, the more bitterness started to grow from within him. Shiro knew going to see Jared was definitely the wrong thing. If he really wanted Lance, he would have tried to make it work. If Lance couldn’t see that by now, it was his fault.

* * *

Shiro woke up the next morning to a note left on his coffee table. Shiro didn’t remember passing out on the floor, but he didn’t remember much after internally blaming Lance for his stupidity. Lance had thanked him for his help and, to wish him luck. Shiro moped around his apartment for the rest of the day until Keith dragged him out for a drink.

“I still wish I could have said something.” Shiro lamented for what felt like the millionth time. “I wish I’d said don’t go. Maybe it would have been better if I just laid it all out on the line. If only I had just confessed and then I wouldn’t be wondering what could have happened.”

Keith took a long sip of his beer before he responded,“Maybe, but you were both drunk, right? Do you think he really would have accepted it or realized what you said?”

“Probably not. He pretty much ignored everything I said after I accidentally gave him the idea to go see Jared.”

“Lance is a hopeless romantic, emphasis on hopeless.” Hunk cut in with a small smile. It was still early in the night and there weren’t that many people at the bar yet. They had gone to where Hunk worked specifically because Keith knew Hunk would be better help with any Lance problem than he would. Hunk knew Lance his whole life and moved to the area a couple years prior to run a failing restaurant. With Hunk’s cooking and his managing skills, he revived the place to be one of the best pubs in their town.

“Well, that’s obvious. He doesn’t know when to give up.” Keith smirked, always taking the opportunity to insult Lance.

“When it comes to Jared, yes. He was Lance’s first love, first boyfriend, first everything. This is really the first time they’ve been apart. I can’t really blame him for going back and trying to make things right.” Hunk sighed wistfully when he saw Shiro’s expression contort in disgust. “Hey, I didn’t say he was right for Lance, I’ve actually never really been too fond of the guy. I’m just saying you couldn’t have stopped him.”

“Yeah, that much I can gather. But I can’t really hope for this meeting to go bad can I? As much as I do like Lance like that, it would hurt me more to see him unhappy.”

Yesterday, Shiro had been in the mood to drink, anything to dissociate from everything that was happening. Now, Shiro’s heart just wasn’t in it. He looked into his half full glass and felt a little sick to his stomach. Sure he wanted to escape his pain, but not by a substance. All he wanted was to binge some Netflix show, but that just made him think of Lance as well. Every show he’d binged had been with Lance. That was kind of a curse of having a crush on a neighbor, on a friend, every part of them was entangled into Shiro’s life.

“Okay, let’s talk about something else then.” Keith abruptly changed the subject, noticing that Shiro was quickly spiraling in the kind of wallowing he would be doing at home. Keith knew how unhealthy that was, being victim of that kind of thinking way too many times.

Keith asked Hunk about the restaurant and they started talking about that, but Shiro wasn’t listening. It was as if he was underwater. He could see their lips moving and their expressions changing with whatever was said, but he could only hear muffled mumbles. He had to think of a way out of here. Luckily, at that moment his phone started ringing. It was an unknown number and usually Shiro didn’t pick those up, but something in him was telling him he needed to answer. He pointed to his phone and stepped outside.

“Hello?”

“Shiro! Oh good! I called like three numbers similar to yours and finally it’s you. I mean, who remembers numbers when you have a phone…but apparently you do need to incase you break your phone.”

Lance’s voice sounded overjoyed to be talking to Shiro and he didn’t want to hear it. His heart sank at the thought of hearing how Lance had probably just gotten back together with his precious  _ Jared _ . Part of him really wanted to hang up the phone and pretend that his phone died or something. “You broke your phone?”

“…yeah. I kind of threw it out of anger. I’m alone, maybe  _ a little _ drunk, and I don’t know where to go. I missed the last train, I’m stranded.” Lance’s voice fell the moment Shiro had asked the question.

“Why can’t Jared help you?” It was supposed to be an innocent question, but Shiro’s bitterness surfaced and his tone had more bite to it then he meant.

“Why are you mad? You’re the one who told me to do this!” Lance snapped, blaming Shiro.

“Me? I never said ‘go see that asshole ex of yours’!  _ You _ came up with that all on your own.” This was the exact opposite of what Shiro had wanted to do. He wanted to tell Lance to come home, to tell him everything would all right. To be a good person, but now he was just angry. He had lost a bit of control in his annoyance.

“But you didn’t stop me, you’re supposed to be my friend.”

_ Friend…I’m starting to hate that word.  _ “I tried to tell you it wasn’t a good idea. You wouldn’t listen to any sense as usual.”

“Well, you were right. Are you happy?” Lance yelled, his voice trembling on the last few words.

_ Oh no, this isn’t how I wanted this to go at all. I mean I secretly hoped Jared would reject him like the horribly jealous person I am. Hearing that pain, the same kind of pain I’ve been feeling for months, isn’t right.  _ “Lance, I’m sorry, I’m not. What happened?”

He heard Lance take a deep, shuddering breath, obviously trying to keep himself from crying. Maybe this needed to happen, but Shiro hated it. This wasn’t worth Lance’s pain. He should have tried harder to get Lance to stay so all of this could been avoided.

“He…he was with someone else. I yelled at him for not telling me about her and we got into a huge fight. He told me he met her a month after I moved. That’s why he’d been dodging my calls. He  _ purposefully  _ avoided me. We known each other since we were eleven and he didn’t have the  _ decency  _ to tell me about her. AND he only waited a month. Did he not love me at all?”

Lance was trying his hardest not to make a sound, but Shiro knew there were silent tears running down his face. Shiro took a breath and put his own feelings aside. He needed to focus on Lance and how he could make Lance feel better now.

“What can I do?”

“I don’t know…I’d be asking a lot.”

Shiro knew exactly what Lance had wanted before he even spoke the words. Lance wanted to see him. He ran back into the bar and ignored Keith and Hunk’s startled expressions. “I have to go, Hunk can I get you next time for the beer?” Shiro barely waited for Hunk’s confirmation and grabbed his jacket, leaving before he could hear the end of Keith’s question.

“SHIRO! Where the hell are you going?” Keith sighed and looked back at Hunk who just smiled as he rolled his eyes.

“He’s going to see Lance. He’s almost as hopeless as Lance is, of course he’d do anything for him. It must not have gone well and Lance can’t stand being alone when he’s sad. He’ll pretend he’s fine, but he  _ hates  _ it.”

Keith rolled his eyes as well, “Sometimes I think you’re my only sane friend.”

Shiro knew that Hunk had understood him and would explain everything to Keith.

“Shiro, don’t. I’ll find a hotel or something. I’ll be fine.” Lance protested in his ear, hearing the conversation. Just as Hunk predicted he really didn’t want to be alone. He really didn’t mean it.

The fact that Shiro was willing to come for him, made him feel so special.

“I was only around the corner from my place. I know you’d do it for me too, that’s why you called me and not Hunk. Go find a restaurant or bar to sit in for a bit and I’ll come find you.”

“Okay, I’m on main street across from Bar Altea. I’ll go there.” Lance sounded a bit uplifted and Shiro’s heart soared. That’s all he could have asked for right now.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

 

Shiro walked into the bar and scanned the place, but he didn’t have to look very hard. Lance jumped up from his table and ran over to Shiro, throwing himself into Shiro’s arms. So Lance had a bit more to drink and honestly Shiro didn’t blame him. His friend probably had the worst night and Shiro hugged Lance close, trying not to be too happy about it.

“You give the best cheering up hugs. Don’t tell Hunk.”

Shiro smiled and settled Lance’s tab before they searched for any hotel in the area with a vacancy. Of course, because it was Saturday night almost all the rooms were full. The only luck they had was a single room with a queen bed. Lance was quickly losing steam and it was either that or sleeping in Shiro’s car. He reluctantly took the room and helped Lance upstairs.

Lance was clearly not in the right state to care about them sharing a bed. He wiggled out of his shoes and jeans before flopping onto the bed. Shiro took a little more time and went into the bathroom to get changed. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. If he was in any situation other than this one, he’d be rejoicing about being  _ forced  _ to share a bed.  _ No, this isn’t the right time. Stay on your side of the bed Shirogane, don’t make this any harder than it has to be.  _ He gave himself a little pep talk in the mirror before he went back into the bedroom.

Lance was basically asleep on top of the covers and Shiro pulled them back, tucking Lance in so he wouldn’t get cold. He lingered for a second, admiring how pretty and serene Lance looked when he was sleeping. This wasn’t fair at all. Shiro shook his head and barely held on to the last of his restraint as he got in bed. He kept ample space between them and even considered building a pillow wall between them, but that would be a little excessive. He wasn’t going to make a big deal about this. They were just two friends that happened to be sharing a bed. This was fine, Shiro was fi—

Before he could finish that thought, Lance rolled over, cuddling up to him. Shiro stiffened, but Lance didn’t seem to notice at all. “Shh… two friends can cuddle. I’m lonely.” He murmured, snuggling into Shiro’s chest like it was a pillow. “You know, you’d make a good boyfriend.”

Shiro’s eyes grew wide at that comment. What did that mean?! He couldn’t really answer because Lance had clearly fallen asleep again, and Shiro was trapped. Lance was really going to be the death of him someday. Maybe they would revisit that someday, but right now wasn’t the time. He’d blame it on Lance in the morning, but right now he was going to enjoy this. For just one moment he could pretend this was all real.


End file.
